Chapter Fourteen (Wonderwall)

Previously, on "Heat":
Ch. 13 (You And Me)
-Nate asked Hannah out to dinner that same day they met.
-To his surprise, she said yes.
-He found himself taking extra care in his appearance, 
making sure he had a haircut and even wore contacts.
-He hoped that Jessica wouldn't show up at the bistro
during his date, as the attraction between him and Hannah grew.
-Jamie invited Jake to the fall festival, which he happily accepted.
-They competed in a pie eating contest, which despite Jake's
thrash talk, Jamie won.
-Jamie wiped the rest of the blueberry goo on Jake's face, an act 
that rattled the boundaries of their friendship.
-As the booths closed up, Jake offered to hold Jamie to keep her
 warm after a cold gust.
-Despite her suspicions of his motives, she relented.
-Entranced by her scent, Jake said, "I had a really good time, Brunie."



Location: Bridgeport Community Fire Department
Date: Saturday, 11/05/2011
Time: 10: 07 a.m.

"Guys, thanks for being here at such short notice.  I know it's Saturday, so I won't keep you long." Joseph takes a sip of his steaming, black coffee as he scans the curious eyes in the briefing room. Today would normally have been his crew's day off but the aftermath of yesterday's dispatch left him without much sleep---or mental rest.  Meetings like these don't require uniforms since the crew is free to do as they wish on their day off, but every single person that showed up, including his own sons, were dutifully dressed, to Josephs's surprise and gratitude. He pauses for a moment, grasping for the right words to convey what he is about to say, as he briefly glances in Luke's direction.  But he knows there is no other way to do it but the truth---like a clean incision. "I have some information regarding yesterday's residential dispatch. As you are all aware, there were two victims that ended up in the hospital. One man was released for minor smoke inhalation, but the other one did not survive."

"What?" Luke asks, shifting in his seat, giving his father an accusatory look, as if he misheard it all.

Joseph dreaded this day, when his boys followed his footsteps, and a victim did not meet an expected outcome. Especially one whose fragile life demanded so much effort just to be spared. Reluctantly, Joseph confirms this information with heavy eyes. "I just received word from the hospital that he passed last night due to lung collapse and heart failure." 

Unable to look at his father, Luke's eyes drop to the floor.  He seems to be searching for something, perhaps fragments of his optimism and valiance strewn everywhere, along with flashbacks of desperation as he carried that unconscious man in his arms.  In that moment, survival was the only option---both his and the victim's. "But I thought he made it. I carried him out."

"I know, son. I know you did everything you could. But he already suffered serious internal damage before you found him."



"I am very proud of all of you who have combated these last few fires," The captain wearily acknowledges each individual face, leaving a wake of humble smiles that softens the heaviness in the room.  As a father and leader, he knows how important it is to encourage those who rely on him personally and professionally.  Just like any service job that takes more than it can ever give, sometimes all that is left is hope and a belief that things will get better and all of the sacrifices are worth it. Joseph pauses again, this time bracing himself as he prepares to deliver the second bad news. Gently running his hand over his beard, he says, "I was also at the site earlier this morning.  And I found something startling."

"What is it, Joe?" James asks as he sits up, his cornflower blue eyes deepening in concern.

"There were traces of gasoline around the perimeter of the home, close to the foundation.  I also found what appear to be pieces of a glass bottle in the living room and kitchen...and  a strip of fabric soaked in kerosene."

"Bottle bombs?" Luke finally looks up, as the key words catch his attention, temporarily freeing him from the invisible chains of disappointment.  

"That's correct.  And with the progression of the fire, it appears the first and second floors burned at the same time. It leads me to think that bottle bombs were thrown in the bedroom windows too, which explains why the two victims were trapped in the second floor."

"That doesn't make sense," Austin comments.  He's usually quietly absorbing and observing during the meetings, so this is the first time he has actually spoken up. "Why would someone purposely burn a house when people are in it? That's too risky." 

"Exactly, Austin.  The fact that this is done in broad daylight, with victims involved, leads me to two conclusions. Either these guys are morons or they are trying to make a statement. It's like they're crying for attention."

"Huh." Austin appears to open his mouth as if he's going to say more, but as he glances at all the faces locked in on him, he changes his mind. "Go ahead, Joe."

"This is the third dispatch that involves accelerant.  When victims are involved, the game changes.  There is an individual out there that wants to purposely burn buildings at the expense of people. Why are they doing it? We don't know. But it's our responsibility to find the answers before we lose another victim to this atrocity. The good news is that we have our first witness."

"Who is that?" Jake asks, as a glimmer of hope shines through his boyish features.

"The surviving victim."



After Joseph dismisses his crew, the chairs slowly empty out as bodies leave one by one---either in pairs or separately---taking the conversations with them out the door. As he gathers his paperwork into their respective folders, Joseph looks up, only to find his oldest son sitting in his chair with a distant look in his eyes.  He has seen this look before.  When Luke was 15, his Rottweiler named Spike had to be put to sleep due to bone cancer.  He was only eight years old.  The other time was when Natalie cheated on him. Letting out a deep sigh, Joseph drops the folders on the table and walks over to Luke, asking, "Are you okay, son?"

At his father's movement and voice, Luke looks up, realizing that the briefing room is empty.   He forces himself up and takes a few steps towards the table. With his face and heart overcome by defeat, he looks into Joseph's compassionate greenish-hazel eyes and whispers, "I thought I saved him, dad..."

"You did." Joseph's lips tighten, trying to contain his emotions as he tries to stay level-headed and strong for his son. "You got him out of the fire.  That's what mattered."

"But he died." As if the mere insistence of reality nullified all of his efforts, Luke can feel his throat burn, the remnants of the fire penetrating every blood cell rushing to his face, slowly boiling the salty moisture hiding behind his eyelids.  His heart tightens thinking about the victim, throbbing in disbelief. His lips tremble, making each word a struggle as he continues, "It doesn't...matter...if I got him out. He died!" At the last word, his eyes can no longer hold the heaviness, and they glide on his cheeks in liquid form. He looks away in embarrassment.

"Lucas, listen to me." Joseph searches his oldest son's red, wet eyes until they steady onto his.  He may be all grown-up now, but he will always be Joseph's little boy. From a small nick that needed a band-aid, to monsters in the closet, to a simple kiss on his "boo-boo"---Joseph knows when his sons need him. Placing his hands on Luke's shoulders, he explains, "I was about your age when I joined the fire department.  I wanted to save everyone, just like you and it's a good, noble thing.  About six months later, I was on a dispatch that involved a house fire.  By the time we got there, this man's wife was already dead and he was barely conscious.  I remember him telling me that his daughter was trapped upstairs and to forget about him...and save her instead.  So I rushed upstairs. I was able to get her out."

"How old was the daughter?" Luke asks as curiosity pushes back some of the tears.

"She was five. Her name was Lily."

"Poor thing."

"What killed me was..." This time, Joseph looks away as he squeezes Luke's shoulders, almost clinging to them with hopes that the unpleasant memories will subside like a fleeting thought.

"What?"

"Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna
Throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now"



"The fact that I had to make a choice," The captain briefly closes his eyes as he enters a door that he has long kept locked, a door to a memory that haunts him to this day. He can still smell the smoke invading his lungs, he can still feel the heat beating on his skin and he can still hear the snap and crackle of objects disintegrating, drowning in the deafening roar of the flames. He can still smell the apple scent of Lily's curly brown hair as it adhered to the sweat and soot on her unconscious face. "I should have saved both of them.  It was my duty to make sure they came out alive.  But I couldn't.  And to have to look back at those two bodies while I was carrying that little girl out...knowing those were her parents...it made me wonder if I was cut out for the job. I couldn't handle it."

"I'm sorry, dad.  You never told me this." Luke grinds his teeth, overcome with a newfound sense of understanding for his father. For someone who has been the rock of the family and fire department---this bare, wounded side of him is the strongest---and bravest Luke has ever seen.

"Don't worry about it.  The only other person that knows is your mother.  It's not something that I like to talk about, but seeing you like this...I had to let you know." Joseph gives Luke one last squeeze before hiding his hands in his own pockets. "This is the nature of the job, son.  We risk our lives to save others, but there comes a point when you need to make a decision. And sometimes, you have to sacrifice one life to preserve your own and another's.  You were only five months old at the time.  Your mother and I weren't even married a year.  If I had been in that situation, I would have done the same.  I would have made sure they saved you first."

"I understand," Luke nods.

"I've lost a few more victims after that, but you never forget the first one.  It stays with you."

"I guess everybody goes through it at one point, right?"

"It's your first heartache as a firefighter.  But you accept it and move on.  And no matter what, do not blame yourself. Understand?"

"Yes, sir."



Date: Saturday, 11/05/2011
Time: 12:15 p.m.

Luke's candid talk with Joseph made him realize just how much his father and brothers mean to him, and how long it's been since they all spent some quality time together---all four of them. It can be something as simple as watching a game at home, playing football at the park or going to a sports bar to hang out and grab some beer.  After tracking Nate and Jake down, it was confirmed that they will head to Eugi's at about 2 p.m.  Luke wanted to get a quick workout in before heading downtown.  As he approaches the outdoor gym of the firestation, he sees Austin on the treadmill, walking steadily.  They give each other a quick nod as Luke climbs on the vacant treadmill and warms up for five minutes at four miles per hour.

 Luke has come to appreciate Austin's dry humor and contagious energy during their exchanges at work, but this is the first time they have worked out together. As a sly smile forms on his face, Austin turns to his green-eyed friend and says, "So...who's the mystery girl that calls you during lunch?"

"Mystery girl?" Luke asks.

"Yeah, you're always on the phone around noon. Who is she? Girlfriend? Side dish? Flavor of the month?" Austin's eyebrows dance playfully.

A ton of bricks fall from the sky.  At least that's what it feels like to Luke, nearly making him duck at Austin's observation. It's a given that his family knows who he's talking to, especially his dad and brothers, but he has never had to explain Lyn to anyone else---until now. Lyn. Her name is like a promise, a sort of whisper into his heart. It bathes him in warmth until he's almost dizzy, as if the need to physically touch her is the only proof that she's real. Luke stammers, "Oh...she's uh...a friend." This was made even more apparent after Natalie left his apartment last night. He felt bad about hitting her.  There was no excuse for my behavior at all. At the same time, he was finally free from his ex's ghost, as well as the emotional torture that he inflicted on himself in the last four years. When Luke woke up this morning, he felt like a new man, and there was one thing he was sure of---he felt absolutely nothing for Natalie.

"Friend, huh?" Austin shakes his head, increasing his speed. "Look at that pathetic smile on your face." 

"Her name is Lyn.  She's a close friend."

"You hit it?"

"Dude!"

"Just sayin'. So did you?"



"Nah. She's actually my best friend's ex." Now at six miles per hour, Luke can feel a slight strain on his lungs as he continues to push his feet. And the fact that he can say he never slept with Lyn---brings a noble, sacred quality to their friendship, a kind of purity in him, in her, in the emotional bond that they have developed over the past month.  His heart swells in pride as it tries not to elevate her on a marble pedestal too much, knowing what happened with the last. "Well, ex best friend. We kinda had a fall-out."

"Let me guess...over her, right?" Moving at five miles per hour, Austin's voice starts to get lost over the mechanical groan of the treadmill.

"Long story, but yeah...sort of." 

"Is she seeing anyone right now?"

"Not that I know of." Even though the words already left Luke's lips, they linger in his mind. He hadn't really considered that question or the answer to it, and he can't tell which one would feel worse. At one point, he wondered if Lyn was just a distraction from Natalie' ghost.  A convenient distraction.  But now...now that Natalie has been exorcised---and the holy water of vengeance permanently closing that chapter---a vacuum opens up.  A vacuum that Lyn---or at least the dream of her---is filling up. "Why, you interested?"

"Come on, Luke. I don't even get down like that." Austin holds his hands up, as if he's insulted by the question. "I just wanted to see if you like her."

"Sorry...it's just complicated." 

"It's simple. Do you like her or not?"

"Yes...I do." He feels like he's backed in a corner, unable to hide from his feelings any longer. It's one thing to admit it to himself, but to admit it to another person...it's too real.  Almost like an alcoholic or drug addict admitting they have a problem. There's no more room for denial.

"Do you think she feels the same?" Austin asks, wiping the beads of sweat running down his forehead.

This question is something even Luke can't ask himself.  The mere idea that she doesn't feel the same way---is like finding out Santa doesn't exist.  He has to exist.  Even if only in his mind. Love simply cannot be this cruel---can it? Under his quickening breath, Luke mutters, "Sheesh! I think I like you better when you're quiet." 

"And all the roads we have
To walk are winding
And all the lights that 
Lead us there are blinding
There are many things
That I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how"



Without even taking a break, Luke and Austin move over to the bench presses, as sweat continue to drip from their upper bodies. As Austin sits on the bench, tucking his arms behind the pec deck, he replies,"Okay, alright, you got jokes. I see what you're trying to do. You're stallin'!" 

"I don't know.  Sometimes it seems like she does, but other times it feels like I'm just her friend." Luke briefly glances in Austin's direction as he secures the last plate on the metal bar. "But when I'm with her...and when I hear her voice on the phone...it's like...God...she's everything I've ever wanted in a woman."

"Holy shit." The sound of metal against metal disappears as Austin studies Luke, as if in some sort of epiphany.

"What?" Luke asks as his bare back glides over the smooth cushion of the bench.

"You don't like her, you're freaking in love with her!"

"Dude, shut up! I am not!"

"Whatever you say, bro. You got it bad. Look at your cheeks."

"Nah, that's for benchin' 220." Although Luke recovers---and he did bench 220 pounds three times---he can feel blood rush up his neck before it spreads to his face. It's almost like an affliction to lose control like this, as if he's being teased for having a 5th grade crush.  He feels as if someone is watching him undress, and not in a good way. In an attempt to change the subject and escape Austin's interrogation, he says, "Anywaaay. She's been through a lot though. He cheated on her."

"So he messed it up. Now's your chance."



 After three more reps, Luke puts the bar back and sits up straight to catch his breath. He can hear the wild thumping of his heart---not so much from the heavy lifting---but from dancing with the idea that he might have a chance. Could it really happen? But he finds himself torn between what he wants and what Lyn needs.  And right now, he just can't justify interfering with her needs. "I don't know, Austin.  It just seems selfish to me to put that kind of pressure on her right now. And to go after my friend's ex....it doesn't feel right." He pauses, as if he's remembering something ironic---or ludicrous. Shaking his head, he adds, "Although...his conscience didn't stop him from sleeping with my ex."

"What? Oh, hell naw! It's fair game now. You better go get that girl."

"What if she still loves him? I don't wanna be the rebound guy. Plus, she's in Appaloosa.  How could it work? I don't know..."

"Just do me a favor."

"What's that?"

"Don't wait too long. Just sayin'."

"Because maybe
You're gonna be 
The one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall"

*Copyright 2013 Lyn C.S.*
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"Wonderwall" by Oasis
Video by: oasisinetofficial